This page contains a self-test to see if you are in fact neurotic.   

 If you have been diagnosed as "neurotic" or have had family, friends, associates, colleagues, your plumber, minister, barber, banker, attorney,  all stated or implied that you are, then in all likelihood you are in fact neurotic and can advance a claim to be a member of this site.   You may not feel like you should be seeking a neurotic partner, but in fact the chances are that such a match will work better in the long run, and it also places an unfair burden on a normal person to be chained to you for life.

Although neurotics come in all shapes and sizes (very few that we like), there are a few overarching characteristics which this test will attempt to measure: 

General anxiety - This covers pessimism, self-doubt, dread, and other nervousness. A veritable barrel of fun. 

Social ineptitude - This covers awkwardness, overanalysis of situations and people, and conversational tools like sarcasm or self-effacement. It may also include the ability to dress appropriately.

Obsessive-compulsive behavior - This covers counting, stacking, obsessing, nail-biting, and all your other favorite habits. 

  If you are still in doubt about your being neurotic, below is a self test.  If you answer "yes" to more than three of the questions then consider yourself neurotic, but take heart, the silver lining to this is that you qualify for membership to this site.  


Do you lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering what it all means, whether it has some purpose, whether you left the refrigerator open

Are you terrified of dogs?

Do you have at least one large boulder in your yard painted white?  

Do you have a sign near your driveway which states "NO TURNS"

Do you refuse to visit Japan because you fear no one will speak English.

Do you refuse to visit New York City because you fear no one will speak English.

For the same reason, are you afraid to take a cab?

Are you afraid of getting into a public swimming pool because of polio germs?  

    Because of alligators?

    Because of rumors of piranas in the pool.

    Rumors of stalkers?

    Rumors of Mormen

Are you afraid of getting into an iron lung (even as a prank) because you're afraid of contracting herpes germs.

Do yes and no ever just mean yes and no?

Is "no" always a form of rejection.

Do you believe that some branch of government is spying on you, reading your emails, or has a file

  on you?   (This is a trick question, given that your beliefs are justified in most cases.  If the government does not have any interest in you at all then you are probably just insignificant.)

Do you believe the government can actually spy on anyone successfully?

Do you believe people are deliberately ignoring you?

Are clerks at stores snickering behind your back?

Do you think your therapist makes jokes at your expense to his professional colleagues?

Are you convinced there is a global conspiracy to own black helicopters or other black aircraft?